The Reflection of the Moon
by Macarons and Muffins
Summary: 'It was only a matter of time, and not much of it, before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back.' Edward returns prematurely in New Moon, altering the chain of events that follows.
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own Twilight. And I am sorry if anyone has done this before.**

**Also, I am using some of the original phrases from New Moon to try and keep it the same writing style at the book, but no copyright infringement is intended. The chunks taken straight from New Moon are in italics.**

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_It was only a matter of time- and not much of it- before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back_. -Edward, _New Moon_

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_Storm-cooled air blew through the cab of the truck._

_"OH!" The breath whooshed out of Jacob like someone had punched him in the gut. "Holy crap!"_

_He slammed the door and twisted the keys in the ignition at the same moment. His hands were shaking so hard I didn't know how he managed it._

_"What's wrong?"_

_He revved the engine too fast; it sputtered and faltered._

_"Vampire," he spit out._

_The blood rushed from my head and left me dizzy. "How do you know?" _

"Because I can smell it. Dammit!"

Jacob's eyes were wild, raking the dark street. He barely seemed aware of the tremors that were rolling through his body. "Phase or get her out of here?" he hissed at himself.

_He looked down at me for a split second, taking in my horror-struck eyes and white face, and then he was scanning the street again. "Right. Get you out."_

_The engine caught with a roar. The tires squealed as he spun the truck around, turning toward our only escape. The headlights washed across the pavement, lit the front line of the black forest, and finally glinted off a car parked across the street from my house._

_"Stop!" I gasped._

My heart was thudding in my chest. The hole inside, the one I had tried so meticulously to keep filled, tore open once more, blinding me with pain.

It was a car that I knew. A silver car. The breath left my body in a swift gasp, and without thinking I reached out and clutched at Jacob's hand, hoping his warmth would help ease the pain. Jacob stared at me, eyes wide, waiting for me to explain. For a moment I had forgotten I'd even spoken.

"Bells?" He didn't shy away from my touch, but instead pulled me closer to him. It barely helped. I was still shaking from the shock of seeing that car. I blinked at it, rubbing my eyes and half expecting it to disappear. It didn't. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not.

"It's not Victoria." I managed to choke out, surprised I was even capable of speech. Jacob was still gunning the car down the street, and some part of me, as confused and shaken up as I was, knew I had to stop him.

"Stop!" I intended to yell, but my voice came out as a thin, reedy wail. It was enough for Jacob, who slammed his foot down on the brake. The truck screeched to a halt.

"What?"

"It's not Victoria," I repeated hoarsely. "It's... one of the Cullens' cars."

Jacob wasn't fooled. He picked up on my hesitation, and turned to me, black eyes imploring.

"Which one of the leeches?" He was gripping the steering wheel so tight that I was surprised it didn't snap. My mouth was suddenly dry, and I didn't know how to respond to Jacob's query. I tried not to even _think_ of the name, let alone speak it.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, staring up at Jacob. The pain in my eyes must have been a giveaway; his face hardened, the bitter expression I hoped he would never wear again returning. Then he stomped down on the accelerator with a vindictive kind of fury, and the truck began speeding away from my house, quickly than I thought possible for my battered vehicle.

"Jake!" I yelled, over the rattle of the engine. "Jacob! STOP!"

"Why?" Jacob growled, his body shaking- evidently he was trying his hardest not to explode into a wolf. "Bella, I can't take you back. It would go against everything I've ever thought. Either it's a trick, and that red headed leech is waiting for you, or..." A violent tremor rocked his frame as he contemplated the other possibility. "Either way you're going to get hurt."

"It's not a trick." I deliberately ignored the comment about getting hurt, knowing all too well what the sight of _his_ eyes, cold and indifferent like they were the last time we spoke, would do to me.

"Maybe that's worse," Jacob spat, before cursing as the truck began to stutter, unused to being driven at such a ferocious speed. Deep down, a part of me agreed with him, but I shook my head stubbornly. If he was there, then I wanted to see him, at least for a second, before he left again. I needed it.

"Take me back, Jake," I pleaded. He clenched the steering wheel again, body shuddering. A small crack appeared on the wheel this time.

"No." His face was flat and emotionless, but a spasm of pain crossed his eyes. Suddenly, he looked ten years older than me.

"Please, Jake, I have to-"

"Take yourself back." His voice was brusque and harsh; the edge to his words stung, and to my shock tears welled in my eyes. "I can't go near a filthy bloodsucker. If they're back then it's their territory."

A selfish part of me felt relieved to hear this, but it was overshadowed with my concern for Jacob. I reached out to touch his tense arm, half expecting him to flinch away.

"I have to tell Sam straight away." He said coldly after a moment. "If they're back, then this changes things." The way he said _they're_ was laced with loathing and disdain. Slowly, the truck wheezed to a stop at the side of the road, and Jacob turned to look at me wth a sudden movement that made me shrink back.

"Are you going to come back to the reservation, or stay and face your chances with a bloodsucker?"

His voice was neutral, indifferent, reminding me painfully of another situation a few months ago. I wanted badly to hug him, to feel his warmth, but I knew that now would not be the time.

"Jake, I-" I had barely begun to speak, but Jacob saw in my face the choice I had made.

"You choose him. Of course." His voice was so bitter it was unrecognisable. He hopped out the cab, before I had a chance to contradict him. His shape was shaking so much he was blurring; it was only a matter of time before he phased. I was amazed he had managed to stay human for so long.

"Bye, Bella. See you around." He let out a harsh, very Un-Jacob-like laugh. "Or maybe not."

I opened my mouth to call him back, but the words were caught in my throat. Before I could say anything, he was gone.

Guilt washed over me, so hard that a single sob burst through my lips. How could I do that to Jacob? Jacob, my best friend, the one who had stitched me back together. I promised myself I would call him as soon as I could, to try and make things right again.

If that was possible.

Somehow, I managed to turn the truck around, despite my hands which were shaking as badly as Jacob's, if not worse.

When the headlights clicked off, I realise just how dark it was, a shiver ran down my spine. The house looked oddly menacing in the dark, shadowed and oppressive. What if it _was_ a trick? My mind turned to Victoria, and my heart began thudding twice its regular speed in my chest. But something, some unknown force, pushed me forward, and I stumbled up the stairs towards the door. As I grabbed the doorknob I felt something was off, and a pang of horror struck me when I realised what it was.

The door was unlocked.

I was frozen to the spot, barely able to breathe, as I pushed open the door. I didn't know what to expect- Victoria, perhaps, jumping out from the shadows menacingly? Or even him, standing in all his glory, looking down disdainfully at me?

Instead, I was greeted with a black, silent trembling, I reached out and fumbled for the light switch, squeezing my eyes closed and waiting for someone, some_thing_ to touch me.

The light clicked on. I opened my eyes.

There was no one there.

I knew that a vampire could move from one hiding spot to another so stealthily that I would not notice it, but I still searched every room of the house, calling out weakly. No one showed themselves, and I didn't know if this was a good thing or not. Surely, I reasoned, if it was Victoria then she would appear and carry out her brutal attack on me now, while I was alone and undefenseless.

Maybe whoever it was had left as soon as they heard me coming. Maybe they had come to see me- only to remember how pathetic and inferior I was. My heart constricted in my chest, and I rushed to the window. The silver Volvo was still there.

* * *

I waited tensely, jumping at every sound I heard. I was too preoccupied to fix dinner; Charlie would have to make do with leftovers from Thursday's casserole. I ate mine quickly, burning my tongue and throat and not caring. I was waiting- waiting for some sign that he was out there.

Charlie was late, and my stomach twisted with worry as I began considering what could have happened to him- what if on his way home, Victoria had intercepted him as a way to torture me? What if he'd come across Jacob, who had phased and accidentally attacked him as Sam had Emily?

I was so tense that when the phone rang, I screamed and leapt up. It took a few moments to calm my racing heart, and slowly I picked up the receiver.

"Charlie?" I asked tentatively.

"Bella." A rush of relief whooshed through me- it was Jacob.

"Jake!" I nearly laughed, hysterical. "I'm really sorry about what happened earlier-"

"Is a Leech there with you?" He growled. I could almost hear him grinding his teeth together.

"No. No one-"

"Sam saw the redhead cross the Canadian border a few minutes ago." He said bluntly, voice devoid of any emotion. "So I guess it is one of your little bloodsucking Cullens there. Lucky you."

I felt a strange urge to cry, wishing that Jacob was there with me- the warm, comforting Jake I knew, not this cold and sour one.

"Look, Jake-"

"Bye, Bella."

He hung up with a click, before I could explain how none of the Cullens had turned up, and beg him to come round. Desperately, I punched in his number, but the phone had barely begun to ring when another irritating click silenced it; evidently, he had picked up the receiver only to hang up straight away. I didn't bother phoning again; I would try later, when he was in a better mood.

After an hour that seemed like an eternity, I slipped up to my room. My fears were slightly at ease now that the pack had chased Victoria away for the time being, but just as a precaution I flicked on every light on my way upstairs. She could all too easily come back.

It was too early to go to sleep, but I suddenly felt exhausted despite crashing on Jacob's couch for the better part of the day. I flopped down on my bed, staring across at the window, remembering when I used to leave it open each night and feeling sick at the thought. For just a second, I hoped feebly that _he_ would arrive through my window once more, but I pushed that notion out my head. If he was here, then he was here purely for his own business. I didn't know why the Volvo was parked near my house, but it was probably there for a good reason- a good reason that did _not_ involve me.

I had started to drift off to sleep when I felt something, a cold pressure traipsing across my forehead. Without opening my eyes, I froze; I knew what that felt like- it was the touch of a vampire.

"Bella." A honeyed voice whispered, so beautiful it made my heart nearly stop.

I was dreaming. It was the only explanation for this. I would wake up and be alone- hell, maybe I would wake up and still be on Jacob's couch.

"Bella, open your eyes."

I couldn't. I didn't dare open them, for fear of what I would see when I did; I knew that if I opened my eyes, I would wake up and reality would hit me and I would find myself alone. A cold hand ran across my hair.

"Please."

I had to do what the voice said. It was so persuasive, so soft, it sent a shiver of longing down my spine. But my pleasure from the voice was tinged with sadness- sadness because this moment couldn't be real, or if it was then it would be ruined when I opened my eyes to see his cold, uncaring face staring down at me.

But... He had asked me to. And this was only a dream, after all, I reminded myself. What was the harm if it was only a dream? I knew that tomorrow, when I wake up, I would be in even more pain than before, but somehow it seemed worth it.

I opened my eyes. And gasped.

A pair of eyes stared down at me, painfully familiar. Though they were charcoal black, I could see into their depths- they were not frozen solid as I had expected, but molten once more, deep and soulful.

"Bella." He murmured, too beautiful to be real. My hallucinations had not done him justice. I breathed in his exquisite scent, sighing slightly; this was too good to be real, and it would only cause me heartache when I woke up, or when he left again. One or the other seemed inevitable.

"Bella, we need to talk."

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**I may write more of this, depending on if anyone actually reads it haha. It's going to be a sort of alternative ending to new moon, and what would have happened if Edward came back.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ha. WOW. It has been a loooooong time since I posted the first chapter for this, even though this chapter has been sitting in my document manager for several months, almost completely finished. Sorry about that! If I still have a single reader left out there, then I hope you enjoy this chapter!**

**I don't own twilight.**

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"Bella, we need to talk."

For a moment, I revelled in this, until reality slapped me in the face. Though his eyes were heartbreakingly deep and warm, a far cry from the hardened topaz that haunted my dreams, his words stung me. I pondered why he would need to talk to me, suddenly feeling ashamed; he must have heard of my reckless activity in the past few months and come to admonish me about it. Or perhaps he simply suspected I was still moping, and had come to remind me just how absurd it was for him to ever love me in the first place.

That seemed... Plausible.

I sunk down in the bed, squeezing my eyes shut once more, this time to try and hide the tears that pricked them. I didn't want to embarrass myself by bursting into tears in front of him- it would add insult to injury if I began blubbering all over his perfect form.

"Bella?" he questioned, the sound so sweet and melodic it sent a shiver down my spine. I didn't respond, too scared that if I opened my mouth I would begin to sob.

He sighed, though it sounded more like a single musical note. I crossed my arms over my torso in bed, trying to hold myself in, though it was in vain; I might as well have been trying to hold water in one hand. The pieces I had tried so hard to hold together shattered like glass, agony ripping through me. My hallucinations, which had been so beautiful at the time, were a poor echo; the figments of my imagination that had I had risked my life for sounded coarse compared to his velvet voice.

I didn't want to speak to him, because when I did I would have to hear his disdain for me. So instead I rolled over, turning away and burying my face into the pillow. The tears came, streaming down my face pathetically, causing wet spots to appear in the fabric. I heard another musical sigh from behind me.

"Bella," He repeated, voice firmer this time. He sounded more impatient now, and I moaned into the pillow. The disappointment in his voice cut into me; he would always be disappointed in me, I realised, the inferior human that was _not good for him_.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled, voice garbled and weak. There was a small scoff behind me; perhaps, my being sorry was not enough for him. That was fair; nothing I did would ever be enough for him.

"Sorry for what?"

This shocked me, and against my better judgement I sat up, staring down at the floorboards. My brow furrowed in confusion; I had a lot to apologise to him for, and his question threw me. What had I done lately that _wasn't_ apology worthy? If he could read my mind, and I was even more profusely glad that he couldn't than usual, he would see all the reckless and idiotic things I had done despite his parting order and be even more furious than he must be already.

I opened my mouth, prepared to answer him, but my tongue felt heavy and twice its size. I couldn't bring myself to speak to him again, and sat there for a few moments gazing for air like a fish out of water. A goldfish, in the presence of a glorious dolphin.

"Everything," I muttered, cringing at how cumbersome my answer was. There was a low, strained chuckle behind me, and I sighed. Of course he would laugh at me, the pathetic human, floundering in his presence and trying to apologise for her failings.

"Why should you be the sorry one?" He breathed behind me, his voice soft as velvet. I opened my mouth, but before I could reply he continued.

"I am the one who should be begging on my knees for forgiveness, Bella."

Stunned, I whirled around to face him, mouth hanging open in a shock. I regretted doing so instantly; seeing his perfect face, illuminated in the moonlight that was streaming through my window, made me want to dissolve into tears. He was perched on the end of my bed, his stance rigid, looking more like a perfect marble statue than I remembered. My lip trembled as I tried to keep myself composed.

"What do you mean?" I croaked, voice suddenly hoarse. I could not bring myself to drag my eyes away from his perfect face, though I knew I needed to. When he left again, it would make it even harder; make the nightmares even stronger. I shuddered at the thought, and his perfect mouth twisted into a frown.

"I have... Wronged you. Very badly."

What did he mean? I stared at him, dumbfounded. Maybe I was still drowsy with sleep, but nothing he had said to me made any sense. I could not recall him doing anything wrong to me. He had been unthinkingly kind, allowing me to love him, letting our lopsided relationship carry on '_much too long_', as he had put it. And then he had realised the extent of my inferiority, and left me. This, too, was not wrong- it had been exactly what I deserved, and what I had known I deserved all along.

"Bella..." he breathed, voice pained. He ran a hand through his unruly hair, looking frustrated. Of course he was frustrated. He must have had to postpone whatever 'distractions' he had been out enjoying to speak to me. To save him any more inconvenience, I resolved to make this as quick as possible.

"Edward, what do you want?" I forced my voice to be even and businesslike, stripped of any weak emotion. If I let myself get overemotional, I would probably collapse on the bed in a fit of sobs and disgust him further.

He chuckled again, but once again the sound was weak and lacked humour.

"Believe me, there are many things I want, love, but right now my highest priority is talking to you."

Love? I cocked my head to the side, trying to comprehend his words. Why would he, completely indifferent to my existence as he was, call me love? And why would he be so eager to speak to me?

The pieces clicked into place, and I crashed back onto my pillows with a groan. In my rush of longing at seeing him again, I had forgotten my earlier realisation. It came to me again now, and a shiver of disappointment ran through me.

"Oh, cr*p, I'm dreaming," I groaned. I had considered this earlier, before the sight of his face clouded my ability to think rationally, and t was the only reality that made sense. How many times had I dreamed of Edward in the past months? This Edward, though shockingly clearer than my usual delusions, must have been a figment of my imagination, my imagination which was clearly running wild. It was a ridiculous notion, even for a dream, that Edward would turn up at my window and actually want to speak to me. When I inevitably woke up, I knew I would feel far worse than I had in months.

"What?" Edward looked shocked at my statement, as if he did not know he was nothing but a hallucination.

"I'm dreaming," I repeated- talking to him now could do no more harm, since now I knew it was a dream I was sure I would awake any second. "This sucks. This is even worse than all those nightmares!"

Edward hesitated for a moment, before smiling wryly, teeth glinting in the faint darkness that shrouded my room.

"I can see why you would think of me as a nightmare," he conceded, tugging at his bronze hair once more. "That is quite... Understandable. I must have hurt you very badly."

He had hurt me, but it was only what I had deserved. Again, his words mystified me. Surely, I should have been able to make sense of my own dream...

"I want to wake up," I announced, half to him and half to the room around me, feeling a little silly. Edward watched me warily, and I closed my eyes, waiting to leave my subconscious and return to the real world. I opened my eyes again, and sighed when I saw Edward was still there, looking highly distraught.

"Bella, you aren't dreaming." He told me softly, reaching forward and placing his cold hand on top of mine. I felt a current surge down my arm at his touch and relished the feeling for a few moments, before steeling myself. I could not, _would_ not, allow myself to enjoy this dream. It would only make it harder to function when it ended.

"Then why are you here?" I challenged. If this wasn't a dream, then there would be no way that Edward would be sitting in my room- he would not stand to be near someone so _human_. It was only logical. A my question, the icy planes of Edward's face twisted into an expression of heartbreaking remorse.

"To apologise," He whispered, voice tinged with uncertainty. This response was so absurd that a humourless, almost hysterical laugh burst through my lips. This dream I was trapped in was certainly illogical. Maybe I had gone mad- I would _have_ to be mad to think there was the slightest chance Edward wanted to _apologise_ to me.

"That clinches it. This is definitely a dream." I decided, crossing my arms while Edward sighed. "And I'm going to wake up now."

"Bella, love, I promise you this isn't a dream." He repeated, but his use of the word love when referring to me strengthened the proof that it was. I was not his _love_ any more, and never would be again. To my embarrassment, the thought brought another wave of tears to my eyes, and I buried my face in the pillow once more, feeling absolutely hideous.

"But if this was real, you wouldn't be calling me love," I pointed out, hands balled so tightly into fists that my nails dug into the palms. My voice sounded weak and scratchy from the tears that were soaking into my pillow.

"Bella-"

"You wouldn't even be here," I cut the hallucination off, not wanting to hear any more of his beautiful but absurd claims. My frenzied imagination was obviously spiralling out of control, creating a fantasy that would never come true. I wondered where the real Edward was; he was probably enjoying his distractions. Maybe he had found a new mate, a stunning vampire who would match him in beauty and strength. An equal. The thought of this made me feel as though someone had punched through the hole in my gut.

"I'm really here," he murmured, his icy fingers ghosting across my hand. "And when you realise this is not a dream, I would like very much to speak to you."

I rolled over to face him, knowing I must look even more hideous than usual from crying. I was still ninety-nine percent sure that this was a dream I would wake from, but I might as well humour my subconscious.

"About what?" I kept my voice as light as possible, fearing it would crack any moment. Edward looked at me, flashing me a wry smile, though his eyes still looked agonised.

"Do you believe me that you aren't dreaming, then?" He asked, musical voice almost hopeful. I shook my head, and his perfect face fell.

"No. But I might as well make the most of it before I wake up," I said dully. Edward rolled his eyes.

"Same stubborn Bella," he muttered, half to himself. I marvelled at the strange misplaced twinge of endearment in his voice when he said my name, remembering- with an ache of longing- the days when he would always speak of me in that tone, before he realised that he didn't want me.

"You were going to say something?" I reminded him, and he nodded.

"Bella, I tried. I really did." he slid off my bed, beginning to pace the room at a speed a little too brisk for a human. I frowned at his words. What had he _tried_? Abruptly, my mind began to jump to conclusions. Maybe this was his way of telling me that he had been trying to drum up love for me in the time before he left, but he had grown too tired of me. If this was what he was saying, then I did not want to hear it.

"I tried, but Bella..." his pacing ceased for a moment; he was at my window, and stared out of it thoughtfully, before hanging his head. "Bella, I cannot stay away from you any more."

The breath hitched in my throat and my heart threatened to swell, but I stopped before it could.

_Dream!_ I reminded myself sharply. This dream was getting more unbelievable by the second. Maybe pigs would fly through my window in a minute or so.

"Oh." I said softly, mind too confused to think of a better response. Edward lifted his head, turning to stare deeply at me.

"Bella, I owe you much more than an apology. I made a truly terrible mistake, and if it takes me all of forever to repay you, then I will. I will do whatever I can."

I gaped at him, now incapable of any coherent speech. I wanted so badly to believe that this was reality, but it made no sense. Edward would never, in a million years, say anything like this to me.

"Can you forgive me for what I did, love?" he sighed, and suddenly his eyes did look a century old, wise and sorrowful. Their topaz depths were bewitching, drawing me in. I felt dizzy looking at him. "That day in the woods..."

As he spoke of that day- the worst day of my life, I forced the memory out of my head, struggling to block out images of his cold eyes or the words he had said that completely shattered me.

"...I was too cruel. Too thoughtless. But in my mind, I regarded it as the only option. How else could you lead a normal, human life?"

I was frozen to the spot, listening to his words intently. A few times I opened my mouth to interrupt, but he shot me a look stating he clearly wasn't finished yet and continued.

"Bella, you have no idea how hard it was for me to say what I did. It went against everything in me to do it. And I regret that decision, too much to continue the way I was. I tried living one day at a time without you, but I could barely function." In a movement too quick for my human eyes to register, he moved from the window to the foot of my bed again, staring pleadingly at me. "I know what I have done to you is beyond forgiveness, and it will take a long time for you to trust me again. But I am asking you, _begging_ you... is there any way you can forgive me for what I have done?"

I stared at his golden eyes, filled with genuine remorse and affection. It took me a few moments to find my voice.

"Are you quite finished?" I asked, voice bordering on cold. Not that his declaration hadn't moved me- my heart was threatening to explode with emotion right now- but I was desperately trying to fight the urge to give in to this delusion. Because that was all this could be, all it would _ever_ be. Edward apologising to me, telling me that he still loved me, was nothing short of insanity. At my words, a flash of pain crossed his face.

"I understand if you are angry with me," he conceded softly, but I shook my head. I wasn't angry with _him_, but with whatever sick part of my mind had created this fantasy that was too good to be true. Evidently, I'd pushed it too far with the cliff-diving. Maybe Charlie had been right, and I really did need to go into a clinic until I got it together.

"I'm not angry. I'm just... disappointed." I sighed, pushing a few awry strands of hair away from my face. "I want this to be real, but I know that it can't be." My voice dropped to barely a whisper as I spoke, some of the pain I was trying to conceal breaking through. "And when I wake up, it'll be even worse..."

"_Bella!_" Edward exhaled sharply, frustration breaking through his voice, slender fingers reaching up to tug at his hair once more. "How many times must I tell you that this is _not_ a dream before you believe me?"

He leaned in closer; I could smell his heavenly scent, breathing it in and letting it seep into every pore. It was better than I had remembered.

"If this was a dream, then would you be able to feel this?" He asked quietly, reaching up to stroke the side of my face with one cold finger. A tremor rippled down my spine at his touch.

"Maybe." I muttered stubbornly. A part of my mind was beginning to be drawn into this, perhaps even believe it, but I refused to let it.

"Or this..." His finger moved down, tracing the outline of my lips. I resisted the urge to kiss his icy skin as he did so. A kiss, even one in a dream, would push me over the edge.

"Edward, don't," I pleaded, pulling away, though part of my mind was screeching at me not to, and that this would be the last chance I would get to be close to him. Edward sighed.

"You've moved on, haven't you? As I hoped you would? That is reasonable..."

On the words _moved on_, a picture of Jacob flashed inexplicably through my head for a moment, but I shook it away, instead rolling my eyes.

"Of course not," The idea was even more absurd than him still loving me. "But there are two reasons why this is happening. The first, this is a dream."  
Edward opened his mouth, but I held up a finger to show I wasn't finished speaking yet.

"The second..." I took a deep breath. This would be hard to say aloud, for fear it would be confirmed. Edward stared at me, waiting for me to finish.

"You feel guilty," I said quickly, getting the words out as fast as I could. "You feel like you shouldn't have left me and you're coming back out of obligation, not l-" I couldn't manage the word _love_. "Any genuine affection or other emotion."

To my surprise, Edward laughed, sounded incredulous.

"Bella, you really are absurd," he told me, sounding thoroughly amused. I stared quizzically at him.

"You don't feel guilty?"

Edward shook his head slowly, though it seemed more out of disbelief than an answer to my question.

"Of course I do, love. How could I not? That moment when I said No..." He shook his head, and though I knew it was impossible, for a moment he looked like the memory of that moment hurt him just as much as it hurt me. I flinched at his words, trying not to let them dredge up the agonising memories from the night when my world ended.

"... It took everything in me not to come back. How I wanted to kiss you, and tell you that I did, indeed, want you. I could have. I _should_ have. And I will never stop feeling guilty for that. But..." he got off the bed, and began to pace the room again. I didn't want to interrupt him, but his pacing was slightly annoying; it was hard to concentrate on what he was saying when he was nothing but a blur moving from my window to my door over and over. "Guilt is not the sole reason I am here. I am here for you, Bella. I am here to tell you that I still love you."

There was a moment of shivering silence, and then I let out a near-hysterical laugh. It was a strange reaction, but it was either laughter or breaking down into sobs, because what he said was too beautiful to be true. For a moment, I was worried that my strange, strangled sound had woken Charlie, but after a moment I continued.

"Very funny, Edward." My voice had barely escaped shaking. Edward's irritating pacing ceased again, and he stared at me.

"Are you too angry to forgive me?" he said lowly. "Do you want me to leave, then?"

"Of course not," I said, a little too quickly, then wondered if I truly did. Maybe, if he left, it would be easier for me to forget this haunting occurrence. But I pushed that thought aside, realising that I would rather Edward hurt me then leave again. If he left under his own steam, it would be fair, but if he left because I told him to then I would never forgive myself.

"Just... what you are saying is ridiculous." I took a deep breath. "You leaving me was the only part of our relationship that made sense. This proves that I'm either dreaming, or I've gone completely insane." I was starting to think that the latter may be true. I must have pushed my brain too far, and was suffering from wishful delusions.

Edward pursed his lips, golden eyes boring into my tired brown ones.

"You never have seen yourself clearly," he muttered, sounding as though he was speaking more to himself than to me. "How can I prove to you that I am back for good?"

"You can't." I muttered bluntly. It was true; there was no way that this beautiful figment of my imagination ever could prove himself- because it _just wasn't possible_.

"I love you, Bella," his words were not a reassurance, but a plea. He was asking me to believe him, and to trust him. I wanted to give in, but the hole inside me was threatening to tear open once more. This fantasy would end one way or another, and then I wasn't entirely convinced that I would not just end up as a pile of broken pieces that could not be put back together again.

Without warning, his perfect face was inches from mine, and I could see every inch of his sculpted features.

"Please, Bella," his voice was just a soft, silken whisper.

My lip trembled as I tried to steel myself and maintain my ground, something far easier said than done. Edward's close proximity to me was very distracting.

"I love you," he repeated, voice firmer this time.

"That's stupid." I mumbled, staring down at the comforter on my bed. "You can't love someone like me." It stung to admit it out loud, but it was true. How could he ever love me, when I was so inferior?

Edward clicked his tongue, reaching out to press his cold thumb to the tip of my nose. His touch sent a current tingling across my face.

"Like I said before, you _never_ have seen yourself clearly," he sighed. I had to admit, this dream was startlingly realistic in some aspects. It reminded me of the brightest days of my life, when Edward had loved me...

_No_, my brain corrected harshly, reminding me of his parting words; he had never truly loved me, just deluded himself- and me- into thinking so. It was the most I had let myself think about that fact in months, but a part of me felt I deserved the pain for letting myself believe this ludicrous fantasy.

I did not reply to Edward's words, just turned away for what I promised myself would be the last time. I would not let myself glance at his perfect face again, I resolved, no matter how tempting and addictive it was.

"Bella?" he queried once again, before exhaling sharply. "I understand if you don't want to talk to me, lo-" he stopped himself. "Bella."

He had refrained from calling me love, and that was good; I did not think the charred remains of my heart could stand hearing it again.

I did want to talk to him, too much for my own good, but I let him interpret my silence that way. It was better he left, I told myself firmly, than let this bizarre charade play out for much longer.

There were a few shivering moments of silence, but Edward did not leave. Though I was not looking at him, I could still feel his presence in the room, filling up the darkened space with his achingly beautiful scent. Despite myself and my better judgement, I breathed in the scent deeply, wanting to remember it for as long as I could.

"So," he broke the silence finally, and though I could not see him a part of me guessed that he was running a hand through his hair, as he often did."Would you like me to leave?"

The answer was no, but I didn't say anything. My stupid, tattered remains of a heart wanted him to stay so badly, but my head protested, knowing that it would just make things worse.

"I'm sorry," The words were barely a whisper, and his voice was strangely hurt. I heard his impossibly light footsteps tread across the floorboards, and then the tiny squeak of the window. My heart constricted and I wanted to tell him not to leave, but I was incapable of any words other than a meagre grunt.

I waited. When I knew he was definitely gone, I would look up again, and try to convince myself that the whole encounter _had_ just been a dream.

The window slammed loudly, and from my peripheral vision I saw the glass shivering. I looked up with a start but Edward was still there, crouched in a defensive position, staring out the window with slitted eyes.

"Edward?" It hurt to say his name, but there were other things on my mind now. What could he possibly have seen that had made him react this way?

I thought I knew the answer to that; _Victoria_.

"Do not move, Bella," he growled, staring out the window with a frightening flash of bloodlust in his eyes. "There's something a hundred times more dangerous than me out there, and you are _not_ to approach it, you understand?"

I nodded without thinking.

"Is it Victoria?" I managed, though to my surprise, he shook his head.

"No." He didn't move from his rigid position. For a moment he was silent and then he hissed under his breath, clearly responding to some silent thought from below. Then his head snapped up, with a movement so abrupt it made me jump.

"Bella..." he turned towards me, suddenly horrorstruck. "Didn't you promise you wouldn't do anything reckless?"

His voice was sharp, like a knife. My brow furrowed as I thought of all the stunts I had pulled in order to hear his voice... but there wasn't any way he would know about them, was there?

Not unless...

_Oh_.

I suddenly realised what "dangerous creature" was below my window, and a hysterical laugh split through the tense silence.

"I was lonely," I said desperately, before kicking myself for such a cumbersome explanation. I already knew why Edward was angry, while a small part of my mind wondered why he even _cared_. Whether or not I lived or died was of no consequence to him.

"Bella," he drew out my name, sounding thoroughly frustrated. " I understand that, more than you can even comprehend, but loneliness does not gratify running off to a _werewolf_!"

"He hasn't hurt me," I said defiantly, a little bit irritated now. Maybe it was a little dangerous, but Edward could hardly judge- he was not exactly human, either.

Edward looked as though he wholeheartedly disagreed, but before he could respond, Jacob's head appeared at my window; I grasped that he was clinging on to the tiny window ledge.

"Bella!" He yelled, russet face contorted with fury. His eyes turned towards Edward, and he let out a wolf-like growl. "_You_!"

"Jake, what are you doing here?" I hissed, trying to keep my voice down; I had fallen asleep before he came home, but I assumed that Charlie was probably dozing in the next room now.

"I was checking to see if you were alright," he grumbled, before shooting Edward a seething glare. "Didn't know your pretty bloodsucker would have gotten in there first..."

"It's none of your business, mutt," Edward said coldly, folding his arms. I looked between the two of them, and was suddenly fed up. I had been kept awake by two monsters now, spending a large part of the night arguing with one over whether or not he was even there, only to be interrupted by another. And, though I loved them both in different ways, I was not in the mood for this right now.

"Shut up! Both of you!" I snapped, looking from one to the other. Neither looked at me, their eyes locked in an attempt to stare each other down.

"Edward," I turned to him, folding my arms. Jacob's less than helpful arrival had erased my concern that this was a dream; if it was, then it had vastly escalated into a nightmare. "You left me. Who I spend my time with is no longer a concern of yours."

I was surprised at how confidently I had managed to get the words out. Edward's face twisted in agony.

"I still care about you," he growled, and I tried not to let my heart swell. I still refused to believe this. Ignoring what was obviously my mind playing tricks, I turned to Jacob, who was still hanging from my window ledge. In a better mood, I may have laughed.

"Jake, please stop hanging off my window and bellowing into my room, or you'll wake Charlie up and I will be grounded until retirement."

Jacob clearly ignored my warning.

"I'll leave when he does!" He yelled, so loud that I was sure the neighbours would hear.

"I will leave only when and_ if_ Bella tells me to." Edward told him simply. Both he and Jacob turned to me expectantly. I fought to keep my stubborn resolve; I would _not_ believe that Edward had truly returned.

"Edward," I swallowed, forcing the words out. "You don't have to stay out of obligation. You can leave whenever you want."

Edward stared soulfully at me, lips twisted into a frown.

"Bella, I am not here out of obligation. I am here because I am selfish, and because I am begging you to take me back," He paused, before smiling wryly. "Would you prefer it if I dropped to my knees?"

Before I could tell him not to be so ridiculous, he was kneeling on the floor in a sudden movement.

"Isabella Swan. I love you and have always loved you, and I am pleading with you to-"

What could have been a wonderful moment was ruined when Jacob let out a very coarse word from outside.

"Bells, don't be an idiot!" He roared. "He left you! Remember how broken you were? He'll do it again!"

Edward winced, clearly affected by some mental pictures that Jacob was throwing at him. I turned to Jacob with narrowed eyes. He may have been my best friend, but I wasn't exactly happy with him right now.

"Jake, I'll talk to you in the morning," I snapped. "Right now I really need time to think things over, and you are _not helping_!"

There was a pause, and then Jacob's face twisted into a sneer.

"Oh." He spat. "I see how it is. As soon as he comes back, it's goodbye Jacob, hello bloodsucker. Nice to know I can be replaced like that."

The words stung me, and I fought to stay calm.

"Jacob," I stressed, crossing over to the window. "It's the middle of the night, and I want some sleep. I have one monster in my room and one hanging off my window and to be honest, I'm kind of pissed off with both of you."

That was partially a lie. I wasn't really pissed of with Edward, but due to the late hour and my lack of sleep, I felt in quite an irritable mood. My head was still spinning with confusion as I tried to men sense of what Edward had said to me, and I did not need interruptions from Jacob right now.

"Why're you pissed off with me?" Jacob whined, sounding like a wounded dog. I looked back at him.

"Because now is not the time for you to just dangle off the wall and yell at me," I huffed. He didn't seem satisfied with this answer.

"Then, send your bloodsucker away," His words came out as a growl, and I snapped back when I saw his frame start to quiver. This was an extremely bad night for me- not only was I plagued with a vision of Edward that may or may not have been real, but now Jacob was intruding on my sleep as well.

"Jake," I groaned, raking a hand through my hair. "You know I can't..."

He snorted. "Right. So the girl who hangs out with wolves, rides motorbikes and jumps off cliffs is too chicken to send her ex boyfriend away."

Edward's head snapped up at Jacob's words, his eyes wide.

"Motorbikes and Jumping off cliffs?" His musical voice was eerily calm, but the look on his face betrayed what he was really thinking. I cringed. To be perfectly honest, one of the predominant reasons for doing reckless activities was to spite Edward, so explaining my motives to him was not a conversation I was looking forward to having.

Jacob's face twisted into a smirk suddenly, and he pivoted to face Edward, looking smug.

"Yep. Didn't you know? Bella's _all_ about the extreme sports now."

They were silent for a few moments, though I was quickly able to guess that Jacob was flashing Edward mentally with pictures of some of my less than rational decisions that I had made over the past few months. Edward's facial expressions were not guarded for once, and he stared at me, face a picture of horror.

"Bella-" he began to reprimand me but I shook my head. If this was a dream, then it was definitely turning into a nightmare. Furious at Jacob for telling on me to Edward, I whirled around.

"That's it, Jake," I snapped. "Get out."

Jacob merely chuckled, his russet face shadowed in the dim light.

"Oh, didn't you want me to tell lover-boy about that? Well, too bad, because-"

I was not in the mood to listen to Jacob's snide remarks right now. I reached over, grasping the window ledge. It took a few awkward moments for me as I tried to tug the stiff frame loose, having never been the strongest of people, but eventually I managed to pull it down slightly.

"Okay, Jake. I'm shutting the window in five seconds. If you get your fingers trapped, then it's your own fault. Five."

"Don't be stupid, Bells." Jake scoffed. I narrowed my eyes. I knew that tomorrow, I would probably feel guilty for snapping at him (If this was real, my head amended quickly, and not a dream) and wind up going over to La Push to beg his forgiveness, but right now I was too intensely furious with him.

"Four."

Jacob rolled his eyes, his fingers still grasping my windowsill firmly. "Like you're gonna do it. You're not even strong to pull the window down."

"If she can't, then I'll be more than happy to help her, Mutt," Edward growled from on my bed. Jacob gave him a look of pure loathing, which only added to my irritation with him.

"Three."

"Okay, Okay," Jacob held one hand up in an apologising gesture, and my heart lurched as I registered the fact that he was only holding on with one hand. Then again, if he fell then he would probably just land in an upright position completely unscathed. "I'm going. But if you choose the leech over me, then I'm never coming back. See you around, Bells."

He let go, and I felt the urge to shriek loudly, even though I had seen him jump from this window before. There was a thud that I was sure shook the entire earth as hundreds of pounds of a muscular teenage boy hit the ground, and then he was off, streaking into the forest. I wondered if he would make it a mile before he exploded into a wolf.

A cold hand pressed against my shoulder, and I tensed.

"Bella," Edward whispered. But I couldn't bear to turn and look at him, partly because I didn't feel like being lectured about the motorbikes, but mainly because I was still clinging on to the fear that any minute now, I would look at him and he would evaporate into nothing but dust.

"Isabella Swan," the way he said my full name made the hairs prick up on the back of my neck. "Please, tell me what you're thinking."

_Tell me what you're thinking_. The line brought back memories of that beautiful summer, when I had loved him with my whole heart and I had held the delusional hope that he loved me, too.

"I want you to be real," I whispered, tears threatening to spill over. "But I'm scared. What if my mind has stopped working properly, and this is all a delusion, that-"

His hand wrapped around mine and he stared pointedly into my eyes, his face splitting into that genuine smile that made my heart stutter.

"I promise you, love, that this is not a delusion. I am here and I am real, and you are not just imagining this."

Then, carefully, he leaned in and pressed his lips to my temple. And with a sudden rush of epiphany, I knew; this encounter had NOT been a delusion, created solely by my mind. It was real, and he _did_ care about me, difficult as it was to wrap my head around the notion.

"But Bella," he murmured against my forehead, and I tensed, waiting for the revelation.

"Yes?" I whispered tentatively, traitorous visions of him laughing at me and telling me that this was all a joke once again assaulting my brain. Then he chuckled, and my body relaxed.

"Motorbikes and Jumping off cliffs? Would you care to explain that to me?"

My cheeks flamed with a blush, the kind I had not felt in many agonising months. And Edward chuckled, a sound that I had not heard in an equally long time.

"Don't be angry," I hedged, hiding my face slightly behind my hair- hair that, I realised with mortification, was tangled and astray. But Edward seemed neither to notice, or care. He caressed my hair as if it was beautiful, tilting my chin up.

"I thought you promised not to do anything reckless," he scolded, though his voice was not accusing, but concerned. I bit my lip, and was surprised when that elicited another chuckle from him.

"You don't know how much I've missed that," he reached forward, his finger tracing my too-full lips. Then his brow furrowed, and he pulled away slightly. I felt a shocking loss as he did, and had the urge to crawl closer to him again.

"You always could distract me," he mused, shaking his head. "Bella, I want you to promise me- and keep your promise, this time- not to do anything like that again. From the pictures I saw in Jacob's head you could have died, on numerous occasions. You have to stay safe-"

"For Charlie's sake?" I finished, the words a mere whisper. Edward sighed, before shaking his head.

"For _my_ sake." he amended, his frown deepening, though his face still looked heartbreakingly perfect. "I'm still shocked that you believed everything I said that night. After all the times I told you I loved you, how could you let a single conversation negate it all? Bella, I was stupid to leave you. Anyone would be. And I can only just begin making it up to you now."

I folded my arms over the remains of the hole in my chest, though it had started to refill again. "I'm sorry."

Edward shook his head. "You don't have anything to apologise for, love. And I would like to kiss you now, if you don't mind."

He seemed so hesitant that I was struck with the bizarre desire to laugh loudly. Instead, I bit down on my lip again to contain the childish grin I was sure was about to break out on my face any second. Edward leaned forward, his pale lips growing closer to mine, and my heart began to thud so quickly it threatened to push out of my chest. Edward had come back. He loved me. And he wanted to kiss me...

But his lips never made it to mine. I heard the hall light click on, and there was the sound of footsteps storming across the floorboards. Edward tensed, his eyes widening.

" I was distracted," he murmured frantically, sliding off the bed in one fluid movement just as the door flew open, with a force so strong I was surprised it did not fall off its hinges. Charlie stood in the doorway and his eyes locked onto Edward's form, before his face turned a strange shade of purple I had never seen before.

"YOU!" My father pointed an accusing finger at Edward, who dipped his head solemnly.

"Chief Swan." He murmured, for once looking awkward.

"Bella?" Charlie roared, and I wanted to bury my head under the pillow. Just when I thought things were starting to look up, I had completely forgotten about Charlie. I had the suspicion that I would be grounded for the rest of my life.

"What is that Cullen boy doing in your room?"

* * *

**What did you think?**


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